just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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