So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
