Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
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WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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