I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
