it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
