When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
