he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
