i already hear my dad disowning me
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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