I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
