Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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