it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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