Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
