You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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