Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
third nipple confirmed
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
