i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dignity is for republicans.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
