He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
