i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
