there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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