i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
a search helicopter?!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
