I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
