you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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