I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
