Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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