Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
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Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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