sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
