He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
