my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
