remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
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I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
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I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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