I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
