Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
