The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
