I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
