Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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