so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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