if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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