i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
