I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
