My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
