Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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