there's paper in my vomit.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
