On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
