the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I haven't been this sober since birth.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
