Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
