I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
