i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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