using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
