Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
