she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
