Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
