Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Randomize
