so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
