Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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