You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
