Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
