i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
