My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
