Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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