Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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