I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
