Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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