i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
that's an acceptable place to lick
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
