oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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