yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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