my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
