The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
