There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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