You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
