after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
