Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
