That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think a kid would responsible me up
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
