I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
