yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
