The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
