God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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